I Am The Psychotic Feline String Wrangler

1. I’m like Santa Claus. I see you when you’re sleeping.

2. Along those same lines, I have a sliding scale of morality. Thereby determining whether your goodness warrants my attention.

3. Do not let my countenance deceive you. I am planning to takeover the world.

4. Let us be clear, you live with me.

5. There are no such things as grumpy cats. Emotions are a human construct. I exist beyond moods.

6. My Netflix subscription has expired. The canine doesn’t “get” television.

7. I gave your social security number to a man who called yesterday.

8. There was another cat in the yard today. The dog told me.

9. I am indifferent to you and your life.

10. I think I love you.