1. I’m like Santa Claus. I see you when you’re sleeping.
2. Along those same lines, I have a sliding scale of morality. Thereby determining whether your goodness warrants my attention.
3. Do not let my countenance deceive you. I am planning to takeover the world.
4. Let us be clear, you live with me.
5. There are no such things as grumpy cats. Emotions are a human construct. I exist beyond moods.
6. My Netflix subscription has expired. The canine doesn’t “get” television.
7. I gave your social security number to a man who called yesterday.
8. There was another cat in the yard today. The dog told me.
9. I am indifferent to you and your life.
10. I think I love you.