1. The human child ate my homework. Hurley ate my napkin.
2. I painted one toenail today. The bottle said “BLUE”. It looks gray to me.
3. Have you ever notice how loudly YOU breathe?
4. Did you hear the one about the golf car that drove by and I barked at it really loudly? That NEVER gets old!
5. How long do I have to stare at you to get you to touch the spot on my belly that makes me forget I have a left leg?
6. I was not informed of a rule prohibiting the consumption of bread while reclining on the couch.
7. The one over there makes so much noise when she eats.
8. Oh my God, are you eating something? I don’t know what it is but it looks delicious.
9. Ruby, Hurley, and Donnie walk into a bar. The bartender looks at Hurley and says, “Why the short tail?”
10. The psychotic feline string wrangler referred to as “cat” is just a cat. What is the big deal?