According to Ruby

  1. The monster you think that lives under you bed?  It’s really me.
  2. Other dogs do not need to bark.  I can smell you.
  3. I do not want a bath.  Please do not offer or ask.
  4. When it comes to food, I have no ethics.
  5. I am a service dog.  I do not need a vest.  Vests are overrated.
  6. If you have to ask, my service is therapy.
  7. I fart, leave the room quickly, and try to blame the nearest human.
  8. People say I smell like Ritz crackers.  I like Ritz crackers.  Do you have Ritz crackers?
  9. I know you’re putting pills in the peanut butter.  I’ve known for some time.
  10. The string wrangling psychotic feline you insist on keeping continues to encroach on my ability to tolerate members of other species.