Why We Broke Up


14th of 1865 Belgravia, Kingdom of Lower Saxony, Mid June-teenth

Dear Count von Sourpuss,
This isn’t a long story to tell,
You chewed so loudly,
And your feet really smelled,
You chomped with your mouth open,
Like a badger not raised very well,
At night when we slept,
From between your cheeks,
Passed obnoxious gas,
Your cheese cutting kept,
Forcing me to weep,
All the while you snored,
Until your next trip to pee,
A darkened smelly stupor,
My dear friend,
I can take no more,
Control your mouth, your bum, and wash your feet,
Perhaps then,
We can see,
Until then I may be reached,
In the other room,
Down the street,

Your sweet,
Countess Cecelia von Sourpuss

-Lowell von Sourpuss (Great Grand Nephew of the 1st Count Sourpuss)