10 Things United Methodists Do During A Blackout

1. Switch the Welch’s for Sangria.

2. Attribute everything, from the slightest breeze to the dog’s passing of wind, to the Holy Spirit.

3. Watch the Baptists wait for the liquor store to fix their generator.

4. Tell each other about the time we didn’t have air conditioning when we were growing up.

5. Listen to me yell from the kitchen, “I told you this is how the rapture starts”.

6. Make plans for the church to hold a Blackout Awareness Readiness Blessing Quorum, a BARBQ.

7. Appoint a committee to buy matches and another to count them.

8. Send for a candle making kit from Cokesbury.

9. Attribute the noises you make when taking a cold shower to “speaking in tongues”.

10. Compose a song about the journey from darkness to light to be performed by a children’s choir.

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