The Flustered World of Ruby


1. Is it me, or do people start stalking our house this time of year?

2. Do not look at the tree. That’s my tree. OK? I’m barking at you, the one in the straw hat. That’s my tree.  Keep moving.  The gift store is that way.

3. My blanket seems smaller.

4. Hurley came in at 1:00 am last night. I’m certain she has an alcohol problem. The psychotic feline string wrangler claims she always looks inebriated. Should I trust the cat?  No.

5. In God’s name, why won’t someone tell the UPS man to stop? Do I need to go on Amazon to make it happen? I need to bark at him in person.

6. You think I’m shaking your paw. I’m actually controlling your movements. No one tells me no.

7. I think the most awkward thing I did today was to smell Hurley’s butt.

8. I think the most awkward thing you did was to let me lick your face.

9. When I stare at the door that means something. Urination is imminent. Look up from the computer. Yes, that’s the pee-pee face.

10. Hurley, the butt sniffing thing doesn’t go both ways.