1. Golf carts are like seagulls with wheels. You never see them coming. They are loud. They people tend to leave a mess.
2. I spent the better part of today asleep.
3. If you’re at the door and I’m barking, the question I’m asking is this, “Did you bring lasagna?”
4. The psychotic feline string wrangler you call a “cat” isn’t in heat as often as you think she is. She manipulates your mind.
5. Buy the Purina. Isn’t it clear what I like to eat by now? Who bought the food with kale?
6. Why can’t I go to Sunday School? Everyone else my age has already been confirmed.
7. You poop in the same room, why can’t I use the same spot in the yard?
8. If I could walk you, do you think I’d make you wear a long rope?
9. I can spell. I know what you are saying. V E T E R A N a M A R I A N
10. The couch appears far more comfortable than the floor. Would you not agree?