How To Have a Thanksgiving Like Jesus


I’ve heard people are worried about talking politics over the Thanksgiving table.   Apparently, supposedly happy families are ready to tear themselves apart.  Ditch the rehash of Trump and Hilary.  If you really want to make people uncomfortable, throw a Jesus themed Thanksgiving Party.  

1. Throw a party with a few friends. A party, I said. Jesus is not a 17th century Puritan Pilgrim.

2. Invite some prostitutes, an IRS agent, and a religious fundamentalist who hates you.

3. Make the seating arrangements awkward; force the guests into a moral and ethical quandary when choosing their seat.  Then illustrate the spiritual dilemma created by your guests with a parable about our religious priorities.

4. Invite yourself to a Thanksgiving Party with a vertically challenged, yet charitable tax collector.

5. While eating your meal; tell politically charged, religiously themed stories designed to make your host extremely uncomfortable.

6. Anoint everyone’s feet with Chanel Grand Extrait (the fourth most expensive perfume in the world). Yes, this means eating barefoot.  Take note of the people who get angry at this action.  They may not be able to be trusted.

7. Make sure the men, women, and children sit together. There are no children’s tables in Judaism.

8. Do something good with your leftovers. Feed a hungry person.  Don’t put it in the refrigerator.

9. Don’t forget to pray the Lord’s Prayer. Best prayer ever!

10. Have Fun.  You can’t go wrong!