5 People I Would Like To Meet in Purgatory, Heaven, or While I’m Waiting on Someone Slow to Find the DD Button On A DOT Vending Machine

1. The first person to have gone swimming and noticed a large fin coming out of the water and said, “if that’s one of those fish things, it’s not doing a good job of hiding.”

2. The first person who identified a bear as a potential winter wardrobe accessory and the village wide planning meeting that followed.

3. The first person who asked a friend, “Do you think we can eat these things swimming under the water, were we able to devise a means for catching them?” Did the friend then suggest possible modes of preparation, “lemon-pepper, sautéd, or fried”?

4. The first person to decide being a professional karate Ninja assassin wasn’t nearly as profitable since the onset of law and order in post-medieval Japan. “Perhaps I need to open up a school where I teach my deadly techniques under the guise of self-defense and physical fitness.”

5. The first person who decided what groups of fruit and vegetables should be named. Yes, this looks like a bushel. No, this is a peck. I’m sorry, that’s a head. Obviously, that’s bunch.  Clearly, we’re all insane.


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