Richard’s Guide To Being A Man

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1. Learn To Give A Firm Handshake
2. Remember: Cultural Defintions of Manliness Are A Lie
3. Shower Daily
4. Speak To The Crowd, Listen To the Individual
5. Boxers
6. Make your bed before you do anything else
7. Handkerchief (or some reasonable substitute)
8. Do not chat with others in public restrooms unless you are having a heart attack.
9. No wants to see your feet. You’re not 9. Throw your flip-flops away.
10. I am your brother, not your bro, bro.

Timely

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Hey,
(read this next part,
in your silent voice,
deep in your heart)
I’ve been thinking,
If you need me to help,
I’ll be glad to pick up stuff
If I’ve got the time,
I see the clothes on the ground,
Right now,
I’m really comfortable,
laying down,
it’s not a good time for me,
not really timely,
at the moment,
doing stuff is a bit tiresome,
I’d mow the yard,
but hey,
it’s hot and hard,
but baby,
I’d catch you a fish,
but you know,
they make me sick,
so baby girl,
remember this,
I”ll do anything,
except,
be accommodating,
or find something to fix.

–Richard Bryant

I’m Not A Big Fan of These Clichés

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Christians use some pretty lame clichés. We use them over and over again. That’s why they’re clichés . In certain church circles, it’s hard for people to put together a coherent sentence that’s not a series of clichés strung together. There are churches (and church meetings) where speaking “cliché” language is the defining mark of one’s Christianity. If you don’t speak this way, something might be wrong with you. What if we took these clichés and placed them into a slightly different context? Perhaps we’d realize how ridiculous some of them sound?

Krispy Kreme has a “heart for” doughnuts.

They are really doing some “good work” over there at the Waffle House.

We put the lawn mowers behind a “hedge of protection” just to the right of weed eaters.

Since my car died three weeks ago, “my walk with God”, has involved taking two buses and a cab to work.

The Holy Spirit has “laid upon my soul” a calling to evangelize the virtues of bacon to vegetarians.

After the bounty hunter arrested my contractor, his last words to me were, “if you need to close the bathroom door, open the window first.”

The Episode In Which Richard Looks for Kleenex

Earlier today, I was meeting with someone in my office and realized I had no tissues in my office.  Can you imagine it?  I, a man of the cloth, with no Kleenex in his office; what is the world coming to?  The next thing you know, I’ll be unable to put my hand on a Bible.

After the meeting I went searching around the church to find some Kleenex.