10 Reasons Jesus Couldn’t Get Elected President By Either Political Party

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1. Jesus never challenged the existing Roman or Jewish system of taxation. He is a free trader with and a regular visitor to Tyre and Samaria. Is he too invested in the status quo? Does he not care about Galilean jobs?

2. His ludicrous views on nonviolence and love would render him unsupportable to national security voters in either party. You cannot love your enemy in a world of multi-level threats from non-state actors and resurgent nuclear states.

3. He rebuked a follower for using a concealed weapon to defend him. Is Jesus weak on the 2nd Amendment?

4. He once called a Samaritan woman a “dog” who wanted his help and assistance. Is Jesus not a feminist? Does he hate women?

5. He undermined local, family fishing businesses (and the equivalent of a 1st century commercial fishing union) of their workforce by recruiting their labor to do non-economic tasks. Does Jesus want to destroy local, family run business?

6. Jesus was fond of name calling. “Foxes” and “fools” (the English word fool is translated from the Greek word “moron”) were a few of his favorite insults. Is Jesus too rude for the public to follow?

7. Jesus wouldn’t recognize the terms “Evangelical” or Christian to describe a subset of religious voters. Jesus speaks of a “kingdom”. Is Jesus against Christians? Does Jesus hate America by his refusal to even say such terms?

8. Jesus provided free health care. Regardless of how Jesus financed his medical practice, giving away freed medicine makes him a European style socialist. The healing ministry must be repealed and replaced. Both parties will be split on this issue.

9. Jesus doesn’t want his movement to grow beyond a certain size. He’s invested in growth by word of mouth. He has no ground game.

10. He talked a great deal about money and seems to have problems with the wealthy. Does Jesus hate the rich? Why all the class warfare and income inequality rhetoric? Blessed are the poor? There are other issues, Jesus.

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