My Teenager Confessed to Eating Cubed Soap in Our Bathroom


How do things like this happen?  I don’t know.  They usually arise from ignorance.   I want to openly admit my ignorance about soap.  I know very little about soap.  This is my fault.  I live within driving distance of noted soap experts.  Now, I do use soap multiple times a day.  When given the opportunity to purchase soap, I buy products which claim to kill 99.9% of germs.  How the soap smells and looks are a secondary concern.  I want the germs to die.

Sometime over the past few weeks, the designated soap buyer (also known as Mother), purchased hand soap for our daughter’s shared bathroom.  The soap came in the shape of colored cubes; red, yellow, and orange.  Probably intended to be more decorative than functional, these soap cubes were as large as the ice from a decent ice machine.  Imagine, however, if you’re not as tuned in to the decorative soap world, thirteen, and hungry.  What might these cubes appear to be?  To the untrained eye, they look like huge chunks of candy, left for the taking, on the edge of the bathroom sink.

Last night, Caroline came from her shower and stood before the assembled family council.  “I have something to confess,” she said.  “What is it?” her mother asked.  She looked so sad, much a like a kitten rejected by those tasked with creating kitten memes.

“You know those red cubes that look like candy by the sink,” she asked.  “Yes, the soap.”  “Well, I took a bite out of one.  I didn’t know it wasn’t candy and my mouth still tastes like soap.  It’s not funny!”  Her older sister was more concerned if she spat the half eaten soap back into the dish.  Jordan didn’t want to wash her hands with Caroline’s confusion.

“No, it wasn’t funny,” I said, lying through my teeth.  Caroline confessed to voluntarily eating soap.  It was a little funny.   In her defense, they did look delicious and inviting.   This is a hard one to figure out.  I can either tell her to hold her snacking until she gets out of the shower or put a jar of mints by the toilet paper.  It is difficult to put a price on sanity.  I’m leaning toward making the bathroom an environment without edible looking products.  Wait till I tell her about the time I tried to spread a sea-shell shaped bar of soap on a piece of toast.


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